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One Side: Beth

Sometimes she films me while having a meal. It's jarring to spot myself on her social media – it’s like a sudden shock.

A close companion of 10 years, she, labels herself the “creativity monarch”. It’s fun for a bit, but it strains our relationship.

Being highly outgoing, there's a constant urge the need to document everything all the time. When we eat out, her motto is, “The camera eats first,” and takes photos with the flash on, which makes me cringe. I don’t like it when strangers see her performing for the camera – I experience vicarious awkwardness. It also frustrates me because meals lose their warmth.

She isn’t exactly an online personality yet, but she is aspiring to become one. She makes video blogs about city life, a day in her life, and her styling career. Her content is good, credit where it's due, but I prefer not to be dragged into it. On occasion she films me while dining, or just accompanying her. I’ll see myself on her feed later, and it pops up like a surprise: I might be no makeup on, an awkward face or be captured while eating. It’s uncomfortable.

She also anticipates that I will to film her at inopportune moments. Often I'm in conversation to another person, or we’ll just be spending time in the street. The dynamic feels like our friendship has turned into me serving as her free crew. She could easily hire someone if she wanted professional shots. Upon mentioning my unease about the situation, she dismissed it. She’s taken me to a couple of brand events, which was nice, but that doesn't compensate for all the energy I spend helping her create material.

I’m grateful that Marielle has supported me with my career in design, but I don’t want our friendship to become merely a tally of exchanges. I don’t feel she's insincere or dishonest, but sometimes it seems that if the camera is out, we will start performing in a way that makes us look good for her vlog.

Her directive is, “Alright, smile for the camera!” and record me laughing with someone. It feels forced. It's crucial her to recognize that our decade-long friendship still has limits. I love spending time with her, but I also desire to experience it without being recorded, altered, or shared for an audience. I am not a prop for her Instagram.

The Other Side: Marielle

I hope my friend to see that the creations we make together can get us an opportunity.

I am passionate about shooting content. It's more than a pastime; it's integral to who I am. Producing content and documenting experiences online enables me to express myself and connect with people in new ways.

I don’t see myself as a professional creator yet, but it's savvy to make money from your interests. I look up to people on TikTok who pull off that style of informal, self-made film-making.

Content creation is my interpretation of engaging with life: observing the nuances, sharing them with an viewership that values the art behind it. I never intend to make Beth uncomfortable. Bringing her to professional gatherings was my way of sharing opportunities, providing her a opportunity to experience behind-the-scenes moments that could benefit her professional path too. That isn't blackmail, it’s just being realistic.

I’d still take her to such functions even if she didn’t help me, but I want her to see what the content we make together can achieve: a foot in the door. I understand not all people enjoys being filmed, but often spontaneity is what makes content genuine. Being recorded from time to time is an inherent aspect of being my friend. I'd remove anything she asked, but she hasn't made such a request yet.

I don’t expect anyone to be my private videographer, but companions help each other in small ways. My assumption was recording a short video now and then would be enjoyable for her. Creativity thrives in partnership, and having my friend around makes projects energetic and enjoyable. I don't compel her to take part in anything, and I would never deliberately embarrass her. But filming together sometimes is part of how I document our time together.

I cherish Beth’s friendship deeply and want to avoid content creation to come between us. I am ready to find middle ground: like asking before recording, and steering clear of angles that might make her uncomfortable.

This is not about control, it’s about expressing my perspective while still considering hers. Obviously making content is not a replacement for real connection: it's merely part of how I experience life and I want her to be included in a way that’s agreeable for each of us.

The Jury: Reader Opinions

Is it right for her to stop filming herself and her friend when they are socializing?

Nothing is more uncomfortable than having a friend point a camera at you. I understand that it's her passion, but I don’t make friends come to my workplace. Perhaps she can find influencer friends to collaborate with. Given the dark, looming future of AI, personal relationships are the only thing we have – cherish them!
Liberty, 25

When pursuing something as a career, you can’t ask your friends for assistance every time, even if they have done it before. If Marielle loves creating, that doesn’t mean everyone around her is willing material. She needs to respect her friend's privacy.
Another reader, 26

Marielle might love making content and displaying her life online, but it isn't for everybody. It was kind she has helped her friend professionally, but she needs to hear what Beth wants.
Emma, 27

It sounds like you care about each other, so cling to that and ensure it’s the focus in your friendship. Create some real memories, where genuine feelings are preserved, not digital scrapbooks. In fact, public figures who seem to reveal their worlds actually have more privacy than it appears.
One opinion, 53

Marielle appears to be neither present nor authentic when she’s with Beth – she’s working. Each appears unsure as to where the line is. The answer is not found in trying to alter one another, but in each setting defined limits around what is comfortable to them and seeing if there is an acceptable compromise.
Barbara, 71

Now You Be the Judge

Consider this question: has she been over-exposing their bond?